Wednesday, February 23, 2011

The Crazy Lady

Our referral is coming.  We are number 6 on the list and it could be any day now and prayerfully sometime in the next month (eeekl!!!).  With that information in the top of my mind I have been thinking a lot about bonding and attachment, especially in how it applies to baby wearing.  The traumas this child will know deep in his soul sadden me and cause me to want to work hard to be sure that he bonds and attaches.  So I've been doing some research on the internet.  Tiffany at A Moment Cherished has been writing a few excellant posts about what it means to bond and attach.  However, she has not yet given specifics and therefor I have been left to my own demise and become:  The Crazy Lady. 

That's right.  If you happen to be comfortably wearing your baby I am sure to pounce you.  The more comfortable and confidant you look, the more likely you are to undergo a 5-20 minute interrogation about your current baby wearing experience, past experiences, and the best slings and wraps you have used.  I will ask you if you like it, where you got it, how much it cost, how often you use it, if I can borrow it (ok, I haven't actually asked that yet BUT if I know you I will).  No baby wearer is safe from me!

The most amusing part is that I don't usually like to ask strangers questions.  I will wander around the supermarket for a half hour before I ask a question.  It's just one of my weird, quirky things.  I also don't like to order takeout over the phone (which is why I always get Dominos so I can order online, plus they have that cool little tracker and we live really close so sometimes it goes "out for delivery" right as the delivery guy knocks on the door.  It's great.  I love pizza.)  Sorry, I'm on a diet, that was as close to pizza as I'm going to get and I needed to enjoy the moment.  Thanks for sticking with me.  Anyway, I have apparently overcome my fear of asking questions for the sake of my son.  So the next time you are wearing your baby in the store, the park, or anywhere else and some crazy chick starts running after you, fear not.  It's just me and I'm only going to take a moment of your time.

God Bless!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Dear Daughters

Dear Daughters,

We were listening to a JJ Heller song in the car last week.  You wanted to know what the song was about.  It was about how God loves us for who we are.  We talked at great length about the chorus which says, "who will love me for me? Not for what I have done or what I might become"  It made me think of how I love you.  Sadly, I'm sinful and I never get this love for you perfect like God does but I wanted you to know:  I LOVE YOU! 

Before you were even born God put a seed of love for you in my heart.  You didn't do anything to earn that love.  It was just there.  Yes, the first time I laid eyes on you I loved you even more, that first smile, your laugh, the way you tell jokes that don't make any sense, when you make up songs about God with hysterically long words in them, it all makes my heart happy.  You bring such joy and happiness to my life!

And because you didn't earn my love, YOU CAN NEVER LOOSE MY LOVE!  Please hear that.  I know there are days you don't feel my love and make no mistake there are days I will be disappointed in you, embarrassed by your decisions, and sad by the choices you make BUT those things don't mean I will love you any less.  My love for you is so much deeper than the choices you make. 

So please keep these words in your heart and know that you can always come to me.  No matter what mistake you make I will love you.  You can't mess up big enough to loose my love. 


Wednesday, February 9, 2011


What it means to be a homemaker has been heavy on my mind lately.  I've been asking myself what are the things I need to be doing to be a good homemaker?  Should my house always be clean?  My home-schooled children neat, polite, and brilliant?  The laundry always washed, dried, and put away?  (Do I need to iron!?!?!)  Should all my family's food be made from scratch?  Should I learn to sew?  Should I find a way to earn a little money?  Should I start a garden to grow our fruits and veggies?  And the questions go on and on and on basically ending with:  Should I become Caroline (aka Ma) Ingals? 
If you know me this list probably amuses you.  You see my children rarely have clothes on, the laundry doesn't often make it into the dryer before it's been rewashed 2 or 3 or 4 or (don't judge me!) times.  The food I'm pretty hit or miss.  It's either totally from scratch or totally from a pizza place.  I planted 3 plants last spring and kept them alive ALL SUMMER if they come back this year it will be a/an (which is it?) huge accomplishment and I certainly wouldn't recommend eating them.  In fact if anyone ate my plants I'd be pretty ticked.  As far as earning money as a mom.  Yeah, that hasn't really panned out for me.  I shudder when I hear Stroller Strides and while I LOVE baking cakes it takes a ton of time and money and I rarely make very much (and never consistently). 
Anyway, all that to say that as I've been considering this home-maker thing I've been getting stressed.  I feel so utterly (should I get cow?!?!?) "what the French call le ze compitant"  Happily, while driving in the car yesterday and listening to christian radio it suddenly occurred to me that what they were singing about, that is what I wanted my home to be!  A place with no judgement, love, mercy, grace, where everyone is accepted for who they are not what they've done or may do, etc. etc.  I don't want to be just a homemaker.  I want to be a Heavenmaker!  When people ask my kids what do you think Heaven is like?  I want them to answer, "Like home!  Only even better!"  I realize that it's totally unrealistic to make my home truly heaven like, what with all the big and little sinners running all over the place, but still just because it's impossible doesn't mean I shouldn't strive for a place of peace and acceptance where everyone's focus is Christ and each other and not on themselves.
So from now on I'm not just a home-maker.  I'm a Heaven maker.  And if everything else falls into place? Great! But if we have to eat pizza every night in our birthday suits (sorry for that painful image) well, so be it!

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

6 Months DTE!

Sunday was our 6 month DTE anniversary!  When we started this journey we certainly didn't think we'd be having a 6 month anniversary.  Honestly we thought we'd be home by now!  However, we are really very at peace about the wait.  Of course I want it to happen soon but I'm not anxious about it.  I've been working on learning two verses a month and my current verse is this:  Ps. 40:1  "I waited patiently on the Lord.  He inclined and heard my cry"  I LOVE this verse!  Think about it:  I am waiting patiently, however, that does not mean that I am not crying out to my God!  Patience does not equal apathy in the waiting.  It is active!  It is crying out, praying, fasting, whatever it takes but not becoming discontented during the process.  I'm once again amazed at how our God can make seemingly opposite things work together (free-will/predestination, patience/crying out:)!

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